The Lifetime Consequence

I have to confess...the first thing I did when I logged on to the internet was head straight to my favorite media source, You Tube, and google the words "Jamie Spears pregnant". And for a good twenty minutes I sat there in my comatose state of consciousness, mindlessly watching video after video of "news" confirming what I already knew was true. It was addictive. I couldn't help but watching it all over and over. And then out of no where it kind of struck me like a brick in the face. Why the heck do I care if Jamie Spears is pregnant?



I'll be honest. I don't care for the Spears family much at all, but I do like Britney's music. Her song "Gimme More" is a pretty skanky song, but I listen to it. And while hearing about Britney's latest court decisions or her new buzz cut is pretty entertaining, I really don't care. I don't pay that much attention to her, nonetheless her sister. Actually, now that I think about it, I never paid attention to Jamie at all. I don't watch her tv show "Zoey 101" and other than knowing that she is 16 years old and related to Britney, I really know nothing about her, and certainly never cared if I did. So why all of a sudden when she's pregnant, I do?

I guess there are some logical answers. First of all, I always had the idea that she was heading in a good direction. She had her own career going, and I assumed after seeing all of Britney's mistakes she would do her best to take care of her life. Apparently I was wrong. It is kind of shocking to hear how such a star who seems so sweet and innocent could wind up pregnant at the age of 16. Kind of like Vanessa Hudgens and her nude pics. I mean, she's a Disney channel heroine, playing one of the main roles in two of Disney's biggest movies, and she knows she has young girls looking up to her. I guess I just kind of compared Jamie to someone like Miley Cyrus. I mean, Hannah Montana is the same age as Zoey, and her show is reaching out to millions of young girls. And when I mean young, I mean young. Most of her audience at Hannah Montana concerts are like 5 years old. If Zoey was a famous singer like Hannah Montana (which, being related to Britney Spears, could be a possibility), she would have young girls that age showing up to her concerts too.

Second reason is the simplest one: because she is only 16 years old. And the father is her "long term" boyfriend of 19 years. Which kind of makes me wonder, at the age of 16, do you have long term relationships? Long term to me is like, 2 or 3 years. Obviously the term "long term" has some pretty flexible boundaries. I mean, the average high school relationship lasts 3 months, so I guess doubling that might lead you to believe it's long term. Anyways, it's not the point. What is the point is that she is so young. She had her whole life ahead of her, and she kinda just threw it all away. For me it's not so much "Oh my gosh, she's pregnant what a skank!" To me it screams, "This poor girl, I sympathize for her, she's just too young."


I can't condemn Jamie, and even if I could I wouldn't. I'm not perfect, I have my own flaws and mistakes, so I'm not going to criticize her for hers. She admits that premarital sex was a bad idea, and I can bet you most teen parents would probably say the same. It's kind of funny to me because there are plenty of 16 year olds out there who are pregnant. Jamie's not the first, and she certainly isn't the last. But because she is famous, because people look to her as an idol, we get upset to see that she is imperfect, she is human.


What I am hoping to see out of this is that our culture needs to change, or at least take a step toward change. The abstinence idea isn't working. What needs to occur is for teens to realize when sex is appropriate, like when you're really in love, and how to stay protected. That's the whole idea behind saving yourself for marriage, that you're saving that intimate moment for the one you truly love. If you're not ready to commit your life to whoever your with, then you're not ready to have sex with them. Because look at the outcomes. If you, (or if you're a guy, your girlfriend) ends up pregnant, you're all of a sudden committed to the rest of their life anyway. Not meaning you have to marry them or anything, but you need to take part in raising the child. And I could go on, but you get the picture.


My point to all of this is, I hope Jamie's pregnancy doesn't have a negative influence, but a positive one. I hope this motivates people to learn what it is we need to do to prevent teen pregnancy, and to teach young adults when they're ready for sex, and if they are ready, how to stay protected. My fear is that if this doesn't happen, it's only going to be an encouragement to young girls to follow what their idols are doing, and to me that would be tragic. Because, I'm older than Jamie and I barely know what I'm doing with my life, I can't imagine having to plan for myself and my baby. I have a friend who is a teen mother, and all her dreams are changed now that she has a daughter. It's devastating to me to hear how her goals for college and everything are changed, all because of one simple mistake. It's a mistake with a consequence that lasts for a lifetime. And it's because of all this that I care about Jamie Spears being pregnant.

"Oh Sweetheart"

Finally...some downtime to blog. I haven't been able to post anything just because I don't have time anymore. I can't wait til the day when this is actually my profession, and I can make a living off of writing. Until then, I'll blog :)

A lot has happened since I last posted. Let's see...well, I started working at Steve & Barry's (again). Definitely loving it much more since I quit working at Bob Evans. Let me tell you something...waitressing, is hard. Really hard. And it's especially frustrating when you're new and you're trying your best just to learn everything, but it's so complex. I couldn't remember which fruit came with the bowl or with the cup! And what was worse is that your paycheck depends on the customer's happiness. Now, I like to think I'm a friendly sweet girl, and I thought for once my caring attitude would pay off. In a way it did, but in many other ways it didn't. Just being inexperienced and a new waitress lost me a lot in tips. And I really did learn how picky people could be. The grouchiness I put up with with the Steve and Barry's customers is nothing now...especially when I don't have to be nice back :P I've learned I hate having to put up with attitudes and not being able to dish it back. I'm not that type of person who will let someone walk over me or try to bring me down without a fight. Therefore, I am definitely not waitress material.

What else...I also went to Pittsburgh a few weekends ago. It was so awesome, but so very sad. My Mom and I stayed at my grandparents house. It's completely gutted out, and very lonesome to be in. The only thing that really stayed the same was the bedroom my sisters and I stayed in. It still has the two beds, the window with the pink shaded curtain, same old slanted walls and ocean blue carpet. But it's certainly not the same. And that's very disappointing to me. Pittsburgh has always been so special because of the family and memories I have there. Well, I've lost two people I've loved most, and the memories are all I have left.

My grandfather passed away early April this year. It was my first death that I've ever had to deal with. What was especially hard though, surprisingly, was not my grandpap's death but seeing my grandma. It had been about a year since I had seen her, and her alzheimer's had grown worse. It was tough, because she didn't look like herself, and she barely remembered us. i ran away at first and snuck into the bathroom to hide. I've never felt such a mix of anger and confusion and denial. Since then it has gotten easier to visit her, but it's still very tough.

The last time my Mom and I visited her that weekend my Mom started crying. I was holding myself pretty strong, I had accepted the fact that things were different now and I just had to deal with it. That's life, isn't it? But then when we were going to leave I bent to give her a hug and she looked me dead in the eye and said very sweetly, "Oh Sweetheart." I started crying, because it felt like for that brief moment she was there. For the one second she knew who I was, and understood my pain. It was like her eyes were saying, "Oh sweetheart, I know who you are, I know this is tough. I know you hate seeing me like this, I know I have alzheimers and everything is different now." It basically felt that for the one brief moment she understood everything, and I felt that just for one second she remembered she was my grandma, and she was looking at me like always use to.

I don't know if that moment is true. I know it happened, I know she called me sweetheart, but I don't know if it happened the way I think it did. I don't know. She doesn't know. Even if she did, she couldn't tell me. The only one who does know is God. And that's okay. Because I believe what happened for just one second, and I don't need to know the truth, whether I am right or wrong. The moment was bittersweet, probably one I will never forget. It reminded me of all the sweet memories we have together, and it also reminded me of the reality of it all. The tough reality I have tried my maturest to face. But I still can't deny how much it hurts.

I believe somewhere down deep inside she stills knows who I am. Knows I am her granddaughter, her only daughter's first born, named after her mother and her husband's mother. I believe she stills knows me, and she still loves me, whether her mind will allow it or not. It's astounishes me how complex we are. How we are so much more than what our physiological senses leave us to believe. Have you not ever looked into someone eyes and could tell what they were feeling? Have you never looked into someone eyes and felt like you were peering into their soul? That's what it was like when I looked into my grandma's eyes. That's somewhere deep inside it's all okay. After this life, it's all okay.