Thank you Jason

There's something about Jason Mraz that just seems to soothe my soul. There's no doubt the man can sing, what a hell of a voice he's got there. But I think it's his writing that is the most intriguing. His lyrics and his journal entries, there's something about them that I am so addicted to. I guess it's his honesty that just seems to lift my spirits.

I haven't read his journal in awhile, but today in journalism class I punched in www.jasonmraz.com and with a few clicks I was right back into the world of Jason Mraz, just as I had last seen it months and months ago. The entry I read today was about his visit to his old high school job, how long it had been since he was last in there. I have quit quite a few jobs myself: McDonalds, Steve and Barry's, and Bob Evans. Ironic that I'm returning to Steve and Barry's. How nice it was of them to give me my job back. I missed it, especially after working as a waitress at Bob Evans. But that's a different story. Back to Jason's journal entry. He talked about what it was like working at the store, how he quit and returned, and then had to quit again. But aren't most high school jobs like that? What are you suppose to do when you finally decide it's time to leave? I keep thinking to myself how there's something better out there and I just haven't had the opportunity to seize it yet. But I guess that's what high school is all about. Living in anticipation to what is really out there, what the "real world" is like, what it will be like to finally chase your dreams, but deep down you're secretly terrified at the thought of letting go. At least for me I am. I can dream all day of the places I wish to travel, the faces I'd like to meet. But I have such a great little comfort zone going on right here, why would I want to risk throwing it away for the chance of something better? But I guess that's just part of growing up.

The hardest thing about being a senior so far has not been the classes, or applying to colleges, or any of that. It has been learning that it is time to leave my comfort zone. Tomorrow at cross-country practice, it might just be my last practice ever. That's a hard concept to grasp. Cross-country has been my little security blanket. The people I have come to know so well, the amazing times and hard trials I've experienced, they have all helped me form who I am. How can I possibly say goodbye to those who have forever impacted my life? How can I say goodbye to the one thing I have been hanging onto for so long? To me, this is my Neverland. I'm Peter Pan, and this is my Neverland. I can stay here in my hometown forever just like Peter, or I can choose to grow up like Wendy and say goodbye. Unfortunately I don't have the choice like in fairytales. I do have to grow up. I do have to say goodbye. The tricky part is learning how.

Which is what brings me back to Jason Mraz. He has been my secret inspiration through surviving all of this. It's his honesty that I am so impressed with. I feel like there are so many people who are so afraid to say how they really feel, what they really think. I have no shame in my honesty. Today I asked one of my coaches, who has been with his girlfriend for five or six years, if he was going to marry her. My friend stood there in shock that I would ask such a personal question. Perhaps I should've been embarrassed, but I wasn't. Perhaps I should learn to think before I ask something like that, but in all honesty I don't see the problem. What's so wrong with being honest? What's so wrong with saying how you really feel? This is why I love writing. Whatever is floating on in my head is just forced out. I can't help it, I can't prevent it. Writing is just simply putting your honest thoughts into words. I love it.

And I love how Jason Mraz does that. I love how Jason will write about anything and everything. It seems whatever he is thinking or feeling, he is able to put into words, and I think it's really brave to be so honest. He's also been my secret role model in this process of "growing up." Jason was able to leave his little Neverland. He was able to take a risk and see what it was like to enter the real world, to really go after your dreams. I guess that's why I love his journal entries. You see how he's such a normal guy, who happened to go after a goal, and look where he is today. Perhaps I can be a normal girl, who finally gets the courage to chase her dreams, and see how far she can go in life. I think that's an optimistic way of looking at things. But thank goodness for Jason Mraz, thank goodness for honesty in writing, thank goodness for this small ounce of hope deep within me saying "chill out, it will all be okay." I guess I'm still wishing that I was Peter Pan, that I can just stay here in my Neverland. And when the time comes that I have to say goodbye, I will have some great Mraz tunes to help me get through it. Running is my cure for stress, and music is my remedy for life.