Sometimes you just really have to feel something for you to come to your senses. Sometimes it takes the biggest twist, the biggest turning point for you to fully grasp reality, and to just see how your life is changing. I am in the middle of a turning point right this very second. After almost two years of pondering what is going to happen, finally I am beginning to see how things just might turn out. God had to throw the biggest rock at me for me to come to my senses. And it hit me like a ton of bricks.
The situation I am talking about is the friendship I have between myself and someone else. Someone who I care very much about, someone who I look up to. Someone who I have been praying I will never lose, and yet I beginning to see that my prayers just might be answered “no.” It’s not that this person will forever walk out of my life and we’ll never be friends again. It’s just the concept that this person has their own life, and I have mine. And our lives are pulling our friendship slowly and painfully apart. And I am trying my best to save it.
The reality of letting go is just as hard as I expected. I knew a long time ago that I would one day have to face the music, and I have been dreading the sour notes of fate. The bittersweet tune of separation has become the theme song to my life, and I am tired to hearing it over and over. I am tired of trying to drown it out with happy moments and reminiscing on memories. It is a song that is constantly stuck in my head. So instead of trying to change it, I have decided to just listen to it. Just let it play through, and once it is done, it will be done forever. There is nothing I can do to change it. So I have to embrace it.
I miss this person terribly. I miss talking to them, and joking around with them. I miss laughing with them and arguing with them. I miss learning from them. I miss everything about this person. I knew this person would eventually have to go their way, and I’d have to go mine. I knew I wouldn’t like it. But it doesn’t matter if I like it or not. I have to deal with it either way.
There is the saying of “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” But sometimes you just don’t have the ingredients to make that happen. You don’t have that sweet sugar to overpower the sour taste. And you just have to drink it for what it’s worth. Take in the bitter juice, let the goosebumps run down your spine, taste every ounce of it and move on. When life gives you lemons, deal with it.
It hurts. It’s not fair. Life’s not fair. It’s life. It’s the way things are meant to be. It’s God’s will, not mine. I don’t like it, but I have to deal with it. I don’t like the theme song. I don’t like the bitter lemons I have to taste. But what is there to do? God threw a big rock at me, and it’s hit me hard. It’s left a bruise. And all there is to do, is let it heal.
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